Planning the Last Tour of the Year

Planning the last big road trip before winter is always exciting for me.  Clyde no longer flies for us so I'm required to go by ground.

I often wish I could just put an overnight stamp on our asses and ship us to our destination, but that has never worked out well.  Seems PWT is a fatass and requires extra postage.

The road warrior has been gone through and the mechanic just gave us the all clear to take her on tour.  We use to need the bus, but these days we simply all fit in Gert.

The Other Comeback Kid

The Boogie Man is My Friend/ Rookies.. yep it's making a come back.  I'm so excited that the great Momma Fargo is returning it to the market.

She took a lot of heat over the way she writes.  Even though she explains over and over why the book was originally written in that style, some of the public just did not get it.

The Comeback Kid

As many of the long time readers know, I struggle to find the humor I once had.  In 2009, the King rode off on his mighty steed and ended my funny.  (ok, let's face reality.. he didn't ride of into the sunset... he embraced the sweet arms of death after suffering from a horrific illness for years)

Anywho..My world was left in ashes.  Nothing counted anymore.  I struggled through life as best I could.  I tried to find myself in this blog with horrid results.  I killed this blog, I CPR'd it back to life only to kill it over and over.  In the end, I threw some dirt over it and called it good.

Class Reunion Looms In The Future

A while back I was informed that my 40th Class Reunion was looming in the future.  Shit.

I looked through the Facebook thing and saw that most of my old classmates have become responsible adults.
They have spouses, kids, Grandkids, respectable jobs, houses, fancy cars, and tons of friends, and most of them look like they should be going to our 20th Reunion instead of our 40th.   Shit

I haven't seen most of them since our 10th.  I went back for that one.  Did not go well.  OK, just because I announced I was only there to see if after 10 years the Bitch of 76 was still a bitch (she was), is no reason to shun me.  I'm not an Amish person who suddenly bought a f'in car.  It's just the only filter on my mouth is a Camel.

S.O.B.  I still smoke too much, drink too much, cuss like a sailor, and don't like people.  I've aged, but I forgot to grow up.

So, I have this huge to-do list before next summer.  We'll see how this goes.

#1.  get a face lift.. not a Burt Reynold's or Kenny Roger's kind of face lift though.  Have you seen those two?  I don't believe in lawsuits over stupid stuff, however.. I'm pretty sure those two have a iron clad case!  They look like something out of a horror show.  

I forgot to really follow reality TV, but I think those two must have been on something called "Last Surgeon Standing" and didn't get operated on by the WINNER..  

ok, where was I?  Oh yea, the list

#2.  I'm pretty sure I either need to get rid of some weight, or learn how to style in a Moomoo!  I'm not sure you can style it in a Moomoo, but I'll google it.

#3.  I probably should get a respectable job.  I'm not sure running a Royal Whore House is an acceptable job for someone who is pushing 60.  I'm pretty sure my current employment is NOT going to impress the Bitch of 76!  Oh wait, I forgot.. I don't really care if I impress her or not.  She's worn the Bitch Crown many more years than I've worn the Beer Tab Crown.

#4  I really need to get a Queen to Lady dictionary.  Anyone know where you can pick one of those up?  I don't think it's going to impress them when I walk in and say " Where the F did you F'ers hide the F'in Booze!"   "What the F do you mean there is no F'in smoking here?"  "F this shit, I'm moving the party to the bean field south of town!" 

Yea,  they were not impressed with that shit 40 years ago and I'm pretty sure it's not going to fly now.

I have the kid/grandkid thing covered.. however, I probably should not take them to this and introduce them.  Not sure they will be impressed when Peanut looks at Bitch of 76 and says  "Gwamma says you are an ugly whore!".

I bought a house, I can rent a car.  Got that covered.

What else was on the list.  Oh yea, spouse.  They all have spouses.  

Anyone know where I can buy a tuxedo for "Husband in a Jar"?

Off to work on my list.



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Here We Go Bitches!

The time has come to make the big announcement.  I know right?  You've waited years to hear this shit..so here we go.  Listen up..

The Queen has joined the adult world.  No, not like I am now a porn star.. not that kind of "adult" world.. I have purchased a castle.  I make mortgage payments, pay home owner's insurance, pay property taxes, and EAT A LOT OF BOLOGNA..  it's kind of scary.