A while back I was informed that my 40th Class Reunion was looming in the future. Shit.
I looked through the Facebook thing and saw that most of my old classmates have become responsible adults.
They have spouses, kids, Grandkids, respectable jobs, houses, fancy cars, and tons of friends, and most of them look like they should be going to our 20th Reunion instead of our 40th. Shit
I haven't seen most of them since our 10th. I went back for that one. Did not go well. OK, just because I announced I was only there to see if after 10 years the Bitch of 76 was still a bitch (she was), is no reason to shun me. I'm not an Amish person who suddenly bought a f'in car. It's just the only filter on my mouth is a Camel.
S.O.B. I still smoke too much, drink too much, cuss like a sailor, and don't like people. I've aged, but I forgot to grow up.
So, I have this huge to-do list before next summer. We'll see how this goes.
#1. get a face lift.. not a Burt Reynold's or Kenny Roger's kind of face lift though. Have you seen those two? I don't believe in lawsuits over stupid stuff, however.. I'm pretty sure those two have a iron clad case! They look like something out of a horror show.
I forgot to really follow reality TV, but I think those two must have been on something called "Last Surgeon Standing" and didn't get operated on by the WINNER..
ok, where was I? Oh yea, the list
#2. I'm pretty sure I either need to get rid of some weight, or learn how to style in a Moomoo! I'm not sure you can style it in a Moomoo, but I'll google it.
#3. I probably should get a respectable job. I'm not sure running a Royal Whore House is an acceptable job for someone who is pushing 60. I'm pretty sure my current employment is NOT going to impress the Bitch of 76! Oh wait, I forgot.. I don't really care if I impress her or not. She's worn the Bitch Crown many more years than I've worn the Beer Tab Crown.
#4 I really need to get a Queen to Lady dictionary. Anyone know where you can pick one of those up? I don't think it's going to impress them when I walk in and say " Where the F did you F'ers hide the F'in Booze!" "What the F do you mean there is no F'in smoking here?" "F this shit, I'm moving the party to the bean field south of town!"
Yea, they were not impressed with that shit 40 years ago and I'm pretty sure it's not going to fly now.
I have the kid/grandkid thing covered.. however, I probably should not take them to this and introduce them. Not sure they will be impressed when Peanut looks at Bitch of 76 and says "Gwamma says you are an ugly whore!".
I bought a house, I can rent a car. Got that covered.
What else was on the list. Oh yea, spouse. They all have spouses.
Anyone know where I can buy a tuxedo for "Husband in a Jar"?