Old Age is a Bitch!

Not everything in life is funny, or easy.

I find that blogging is harder these days as life gets harder and things get less funny.  It use to be every day was just another day of life altering humor.  It was easy to blog.  You just woke up, lived, blogged.  Today, it is an effort.  Not to blog, but to get up and live.

It's called old age.  That fucker takes the humor out of everything.  I use to laugh when the King, who was 15 years older than me, got up.. creaked his bones into moving.. farted (I think that was just to get the vacuum out of his brain and get it working each morning) and started his day.  His years of hard work would show up every morning as he fought through the routine of working out the kinks and getting his body ready for another day.

crack crack.. meant the old back injury from when his horse fell with him... was acting up.

crinkle boom.. that was the old hip injury acting up.. that's the time a cow got him down.

"Well son of a  bitch!"... was the remark you heard on the mornings the old broken ankle was reminding him if you are going to walk the trunk of a downed tree with a chain saw.. don't fall 20+ feet.  If you do, land on your ass, not your feet..

It was always just an hour of noises, ass scratching, ball scratching, burping, farting..and bitching about how old he was getting.  It was a humorous animated encounter with old age.  Not so much anymore.  Now, it's me cussing the body that does not want to work.

Left ankle was broke when I decided to jump the gate instead of opening it and walking through like a normal person.  That is worth a couple cuss words first thing in the morning when you step down on it while headed to the bathroom.

Right ankle has ligaments that have been stretched beyond their ability to hold things together.  Yea, I decided it was smart to use the "foot on the dashboard" method to replace airbags in a head on collision.  Not the smartest move I ever made, and if you forget it sometimes slips out of joint in the middle of the night.. you will no longer need to go to the bathroom so take your time getting the rest of your body moving..

Both Kneecaps have been cracked (thank you Texas Longhorns.. those bitches will go for the knees every damn time) and the right kneecap has the ability to slid over 3/4 of an inch without warning.. good times!

My right hip reminds me that if you are going to piss off an old mare while putting a bridle on her.. be ready to move when she throws her head.. otherwise.. she will nail you in the hip and send you airborne into a fence..  (I blackened both her eyes with a ball bat .. she never fought the bit again).  If I sleep too long on that side, well lets just say she has been dead for years, but she reminds me of that day.

As most of you know, my left hand is a lot of fake shit that is super glued together because I found out ice surfing is always fun until you fall on a frozen horse turd.   

The neck injuries are too numerous to count but among them are.. Car accident.. bam.. passing out as a kid and slamming my head into an upright piano.. bam bam..(neck brace for 9 weeks)  falling out of bed the night before vacation and slamming my head into an old suitcase.. bam bam..  sidewalk diving.. bam bam.. falling off the front deck into an old tree stump.. triple bam..   being so upset you go and throw yourself on the bed crying, forgetting it was a hide a bed and slamming your head into the cross rail.. bam bam bam.. and of course.. the mysterious farm accident that cost me my short term memory.. and most of my memory from that accident,, forward for several months.. yea.. I'm a little hard on my head. 

The farting and burping first thing in the morning.. well that does not exist.. however according the Ogre Child, I fart in my sleep... I think she is like her Mother and LIES.. IT'S ALL LIES..

So as you can see, getting up in the morning.. and starting my day.. has become a full time job.. double that up with the fact that I hold down a full time job..