Old Age is a Bitch!

Not everything in life is funny, or easy.

I find that blogging is harder these days as life gets harder and things get less funny.  It use to be every day was just another day of life altering humor.  It was easy to blog.  You just woke up, lived, blogged.  Today, it is an effort.  Not to blog, but to get up and live.

It's called old age.  That fucker takes the humor out of everything.  I use to laugh when the King, who was 15 years older than me, got up.. creaked his bones into moving.. farted (I think that was just to get the vacuum out of his brain and get it working each morning) and started his day.  His years of hard work would show up every morning as he fought through the routine of working out the kinks and getting his body ready for another day.

Lady's Turn.

Yesterday I talked about the ads for men's products, that piss me off.   Now.. the ladies have a turn.

first of all..douche bags.  No, I don't mean that co-worker sitting next to you.  Not that kind of douche bag.  I'm talking "summer's eve". 

Listen to Bobo, Bobo knows

There are a couple things in life that just make no sense at all. We are suppose to be at the top of the food chain. We are suppose to be evolved enough to make sane and rational decisions about what we need.. and yet..

Update on the Kingdom

It has been several years since you have heard from the Kingdom.  Here is an WTF went down.

 The Hookers joined the Union and discovered it was illegal for Dutchess and I to take 90% of their income right off the top.  Bitches forgot we provided everything for them out of that profit.  Ungrateful little brats threw a huge tantrum.

The Vet got me drunk on cheap gin, stuck a lampshade on my head, shoved me in a corner, handed me an electrical cord, told me I was a lamp and I could turn myself on if I had a bright idea….   That took a while.  The dumb ass stood me next to the fully stocked liquor cabinet.

Then, they grabbed their Auntie Dutchess, hauled her ass off to the rehab center.  WTF were they thinking?  She promptly turned it into a five star hotel resort.  She now lives on the entire top floor of the hotel, overlooking her vast kingdom complete with strip club and golf course.  I guess if their new lives don’t work out they can apply for jobs with her.

Our top cop moved out East to become the city cop in a little one horse town where she gets paid in tea leaves and coffee beans.

The Duck forgot the first rule of Hooking and is now raising a fresh little Princess of her own.  She does have her hands full.  A teenager and a toddler.  I send booze often.

If you remember one of the hookers tried to take over the kingdom years ago.  The Royals threw her in the gator pit and took over Oz.  When that happened we rescued Dorothy and Toto.

I brought them back to the Kingdom and they have lived very happily in the south property.  Dorothy still keeps up with Auntie Em so those stories will be included in future posts.  Uncle Henri still rocks Aunt Ems ruby red shoes and black silk evening dress but we have come to love him anyway.

Lucille, Bulldog, Willie still live in the main castle with me.  Willie keeps to himself unless he needs someone to make a weed run for him, or I need him to fire up the chopper.  Sometimes we fire up the chopper because Willie needs his weed.  Those are always interesting flights.  Willie piloting without weed is a sight.  Wonder what the correct term for road rage is when it involves a chopper?

As you can see I’ve purchased a new business and named it Royal Tire, Lube, and Gynecologist Center.  We are a full service site, but we don’t promise Willie won’t supply the wrong lube to the wrong department.  It may be a crap shoot.

Willie is head of the Tire and Lube Center

We hired Dr. Tellwillietoordermorelube, aka Dr. Lube, for the Gynecologist Center.

So now that you are up to date on the players, old and new, I hope you enjoy the adventures of THE QUEEN OF WTFImage

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Class Reunion Looms In The Future

A while back I was informed that my 40th Class Reunion was looming in the future.  Shit.
I looked through the Facebook thing and saw that most of my old classmates have become responsible adults.
They have spouses, kids, Grandkids, respectable jobs, houses, fancy cars, and tons of friends, and most of them look like they should be going to our 20th Reunion instead of our 40th.   Shit