The Little Engine that Couldn't

I don't link facebook to my blog for obvious reasons.  Yea...some of you would just lose your mind if I did... but.. I did have a request to do a THIS IS MY COUSIN series...  since I am doing it... that series will be posted in notes to facebook for your enjoyment.. and to start it off..


Most of you are newer to my blog and never read the original WTF files. The time when I was distancing myself from a family that made me feel like an outsider. From the people that made me feel less than a human. From the people I just could never connect with. It may be their fault, it may be my fault, but it was a fault that finally caused an earthquake, that made a dam break and flooded everything in it's path. When the water subsided, we found.. we were much better off without each other. We are all OK with the way it is now. It appears we are all happy in our separate lives without the ties that didn't bind us. But, I do have some really funny stories from those days.. and here is one of them.

My Ex Father had three brothers and when you put all of their kids in one pile, you had a shitload of us. One brother had four kids, my Ex Father had four kids, another brother had two kids,, and the lone wolf had one son. and the one son is where this comes from.. We will call him THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULDN'T.

Now, while three brothers had a farm background and expected their children to fit in with the farm life, one brother.. denied his roots. He was not a lowly farmer's son. He was the man that lived in the city.. married the woman who couldn't get her fingernails dirty...and raised a son... who was just plain strange.

We use to look at this child and think.. man.. there is just something wrong with the little one. Looking back.. he may have been ok.. but his parents were some strange dudes..

While 10 of us where riding horsing,, playing cowboys and indians.. deer hunting... climbing trees.. playing in the dirt... and whatever farm life things we could do... This little guy was sitting on the floor by his Mommie making sure he didn't get his shirt dirty.
We would return from a day of playing, mud from head to toe,, sweat pouring off our matted dirty heads and exhausted. Grandma would toss us in the tub and hose us off, powdered our butts,, and send us in a pile to a bed for a nap.. THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULDN'T would stare at us with a look of total disgust while his parents would whisper among themselves about how our parents were total flops for letting us run amuck.

When we had birthdays, you could count on Aunts, Uncles, cousins and Grandparents, flooding our house to celebrate the fact that we had survived yet one more year. We were a wild bunch and the fact that we didn't manage to kill one of us, or lose one in the woods.. was cause for celebration. Those were the days when your parents could turn you loose and let you be a kid. You were expected to just survive the crazy idea of rolling a wire spool to the top of a hill, filling it with pillows, climbing in,, and get your cousins to shove you off the hill. You were suppose to have enough common sense to know when something was just too dangerous to do.. and.. as a group.. we did...

THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULDN'T however, was never allowed to join us in our antics. He was never allowed to climb to the top of the ricketing ole barn.. lean of the rotted roof.. and toss army men tied to kleenex.. over the side to the cousins. I'm sure,, he never pooped in the wash out and then compared it with the cousin's,, just to see who pooped the biggest turd.. Oh,, shut the  up.. don't act like you never did that!  oK MAYBE IT WAS JUST US..

THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULDN'T Birthdays were a slight bit different. Since he was never allowed to take the risks,, it was no big deal that he had managed to find a way to survive another year. After all,, if you never jumped out of the hayloft into the hog pen, just to see if you could ride a hog... then of course you made it another year..

and.. There was no way that the 10 little Indians were going to be invited to these birthday parties.. We would probably just spill juice on the carpet anyway. Or maybe.. we would give THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULDN'T the idea that he could put chocolate on his ice cream and NOT DIE..Hey dipshits... let the kid take a chance..

His birthdays consisted of his Mommy lining up his stuff toys around the table,, putting candy and party favors in front of them.. (this is no shit people,,, they cut the cake and placed pieces in front of each animal). The Grandparents were allowed to join,, which is the reason WE HAVE PICTURES..

Now while you think this is cute... and I'm sure it is.. for small children... HE IS OLDER THAN I AM,, AND.. I HAVE RECENT PICTURES OF IT... this is the tradition for this man...

Now ,, stay tuned  for more on the 10 little Indians.. and the LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULDN'T..

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  1. God, next time remind me to pop some popcorn. This is facinating shit.

  2. Oh wow... that poor kid... I wonder if he got lonely with parents like that.


I have more personalities than you have bras. Deal with it. Do your best to keep up. Feel free to leave a comment, chocolate or gin, your choice! Oh, if you stopped by wearing your asshole pants... I have no problem with nasty bullshit. I'll dish it back to you so fast you'll choke on it.. so go ahead... make my day!